Humorous quotes (Some are really not funny)

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."
---- Robert Frost

"Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."
---- Garry Trudeau

"Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life."
---- Loelia, Duchess of Westminster


"Our childhood is what we spend the rest of our lives overcoming."
---- Amy Bennett

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
---- Oscar Wilde

"Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood."
---- Cal Thomas

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
---- Fred Allen

"Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest."
---- Neil Kinnock

"When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason."
---- Molly McGee

"Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil--and you'll never get a job working for a tabloid."
---- Phil Pastoret

"You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something."
---- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone."
---- Ashley Salvati

"A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely."
---- Lubna Azmi

"Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines."
---- Jason Hutchison and John Benfield

"An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault."
---- William Castle


"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."
---- Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

"A bachelor's life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner."
---- Jean de La Bruyère

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
---- Dorothy Parker