My passion is not dead... it's just sleeping?

I think for the first time since I started blogging 16 months ago, I have writers block. This white screen for writing that I normally find so liberating and fun, is currently exhausting and demanding. I absolutely hate feeling this way. I'm fine, though. I am not overly happy, but I am not sad. I am thankful I am not feeling with the pain and depression that ensued for a big part of this year, but I do not feel back to myself at 100%. 

I have to be honest when I say my motivation is lacking. My weight loss started to really stall in August after months and months of a steady decline. Combine that with work stress and the nagging heartache that would just not go away, and I felt myself losing everything but fat. I still have not gotten back into my "groove" and schedule with clean eating and training. I absolutely love exercise, but I have been "eh" lately. My food has been boring to me and I haven't wanted it; therefore I have been "cheating" a lot more. I just changed gyms. I have had a lot going on at work. Since all of that has ensued, I find myself bored, empty, and numb. Like I said, I am not necessarily sad, I just feel myself not caring about anything. That isn't like me at all. 

Now that my emotions and heart have healed and I can see a little more clearly, I find myself in a rut. I am bored. "Blah" is probably the word of the month for me. I am craving something to make me feel alive... to give me an adventure...to help bring my passion for life and fitness that I have always had. Who is this girl that is feeling this way? It certainly is not me.

I am in a big growing pain. I believe the term for what I have experienced this year is a "quarter life crisis". After all, I am 25 years old now.

I am not exactly sure what to do to rid this prolonged case of the "Monday's" that feel permanently instilled in my mind right now. Normally at this point, I am making an extensive plan to get over whatever is bringing me down, but not this time. The reason being is because I am not sure what could help this. 

I am just going to take it one day at a time. That is all I have to offer right now; and hopefully by putting one foot in front of the other, life will get back to normal. 

I do know that I absolutely have to do better with my food choices and training. I feel so damn good when I execute my nutrition and exercise plan; I just have to suck up my "ugh, I don't feel like it" because I know I have to get the rest of this weight off. It will depress the life out of me if I don't. I also know that once I force myself to adhere to my plan for a couple of days, it starts becoming a norm to me. It is hard for the first few days, but then it evens out and I feel great and remember why this is my passion.

I hate writing posts like this and I feel like over the past couple of months I have written at least one or two a month, but I have vowed to be honest on my blog. Sometimes it embarrasses me, but it helps me understand and acknowledge my feelings; which is the first step to change. Simply put, this year has been so, so hard on me, filled with so many struggles from family to love and everything in between.

But I know that I am a strong person. I am humble, I am honest, and I am always willing to grow and learn. Therefore I will pull through this. Right now I taking life one day at a time and doing the best I can. I am doing better... not nearly as good as I want to be, but I am better than I was a few weeks ago. My passion is not dead, it's just sleeping. And I for one, am ready for it to wake up.