Negative Thinking Can Derail Your Health and Happiness

A large percentage of people are struggling with self-doubt and negativity toward themselves. This has lots to do with our perfectionist society placing so much pressure on people to obtain the unobtainable. 

Our self-scrutiny can be harsh as we tear down our bodies and life. This kind of negative thinking has the potential to derail your health and happiness.

You may put off making healthy choices and starting a fitness program because you just don't believe it's possible. But I am here to tell you that getting healthy and happy is possible for everyone at every age and stage in life.

Mental Outlook is Important

Your mental outlook is one of the most important parts of achieving success. Remember, your body achieves what the mind believes.

It's also important not to waste precious time caring what other people think and body comparisons because instead of being positive about fitness, we often become intimidated. Possibly even resentful and angry. This often leads to self-sabotage and what's the use of even trying attitudes.

Focus on You

Why are people still trying to live up to someone else's standards and fitness results? Your drive to accomplish the grass is greener on the other side does nothing but rob your positive thoughts. By remaining so focused on not measuring up, you're failing to see how fabulous you really are. Let's turn this around.

Each day is an opportunity to be proud of your efforts. Instead of being upset about losing only one pound, be happy to have lost one pound. Did you notice how that got switched around to a positive?

We have to stop believing everything we think about ourselves. This has become a big problem getting in the way of your health and fitness goals. And it will take mindfulness to be aware of negative thinking so it can be changed into positive thoughts about yourself.

Believe in Yourself

What you believe determines your life, health, and happiness. Negative thoughts take you down while positive feelings uplift and carry you to great places.

For example, getting fit takes acceptance of being a beginner and progressing each day. Not trashing yourself for not being as good as someone who has been working out for years. Did you workout? Eat healthier? Awesome and be happy to have achieved a daily goal.

Fitness is really a simple process we often complicate with negative stuff. Time to toss out the negative committee living in your heads. You are stronger than all that useless noise between your ears.

Working on your mental outlook will help create a healthy, happy life. What I found to be helpful is writing positive affirmations on post-it notes where they are readily visible. Or writing on the bathroom mirror with dry-erase markers positive thoughts for the day. And it's not only important to read the words but also to believe the words.

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The Day I Stopped Being Jealous of (and Started Supporting) Women

Women are inclined socially at a young age to be pinned against one another. History proves this and the future looks to be the same; especially with social media and bullying in schools. As my blog grows and as I grow as person, I feel it is my responsibility to try and make the world a better place. How philosophical of me, right? However, if there is one issue I am just as passionate about like I am with fitness, it is women empowerment. 

I decided to break this post down into two different parts. Today I want to write about jealously and learning to love our physical appearance. I am not a jealous person.  

It has not always been like though. When I was growing up, every girl was prettier than me. Every girl was cooler. Every girl was more fashionable. Every girl was funnier. Every girl was smarter. I did not have any self confidence in myself. I hid behind my abnormally large sweaters, pants, and glasses. I would get teased about my looks, especially by girls. It depleted any ounce of confidence that I was able to develop. 

When I began high school, that is when I started to experiment with makeup, styling my hair, and putting together pretty outfits. My fashion choices were not standard for my high school though. This resulted in intense bullying; not just because of my fashion choices and looks-- but my weight.

Because my childhood was plagued with so much pain from my peers and a family member, I developed a sense of compassion and empathy for others much sooner than people my age. Unfortunately, that compassion did not eliminate the jealously that was living inside of me and often dominated my emotions. 

I constantly tried to change who I was -- that happens to a lot us, especially during high school. It is undoubtedly an exhausting growing period for us all. I was no exception, and going through this took its toll on me. Because I did not like what I looked like... it made me hate who I was as a person. Consequently I would take my anger out on people I secretly admired. My insecurities were taken out on women I thought were prettier and better than me. 

Whether one admits it or not, it is absolutely true that most of the time when someone is putting down another person or "hating" on them for something petty and juvenile, it is because they are  insecure and trying to feel better about themselves.

As I started to grow up, I realized that jealously was such a deeply negative, disgusting emotion that I wanted no part of. It brings out the worst in people and because so many people irrationally react to it, the world can be such a bad place.

There would be days when I would surprisingly have an ounce of self confidence, yet it could easily be shot by seeing seeing a woman who I thought was prettier than me. I constantly compared myself to other women. I would want to put them down so I could try and feel better. I would want to do whatever it took to make myself look more attractive than the woman next to me. I always tried to change my looks, even going as far as purchasing brown contacts because I thought they were prettier than my natural blue.

Then I finally thought; who the hell wants to live this way? Who wants to live their life coveting, wishing, and yearning to be someone else? 

But the question was: how do I change? 

The change for me was a process. I had to teach myself not to be jealous of other women. There was no anti-jealously pill that a doctor could prescribe, there is no amount of makeup or clothes that make the jealously and insecurities go away, and there is no man in the world who can make me love myself for who I am. I am the only person who has control. 

First, I wanted to love myself physically; which I knew was going to be a lot of work. 

I have large blue eyes and I think they are pretty. I do not have dark brown eyes like I always wanted and I never will. I need to accept that and move on.. I did. I always wanted large lips; my upper lip is not as large as I wish it was. Because I refuse to get injections, I have just found ways to accentuate them. I have a gap in between my two front teeth that three years of braces did not fix-- as it came back. It used to bother me so much that I would never smile with my teeth showing. I desperately wanted it fixed, but did not have the opportunity because of the cost. OK, fine. It's quirky, unique, and now I think it's cute. I can finally sat I am thankful that years ago I did not get it fixed because now I really enjoy having it! 

Next, I always wanted long, lean, and thin legs. However, standing in at 5'3 1/2 made that nearly impossible. Then to add in years of gymnastics, track, cheerleading, and dance, that just made my "thin legs dream" even more unattainable. Thankfully, I loved my sports more so I got over that. 

My long and lean dream continued with my arms. I wanted them rail thin when I was a teenager, but I lift weights far too much for that. If I wanted to obtain that look for my arms, I would have to give up one of my most favorite hobbies. That was in no way happening, so I moved on. 

Lastly, my butt. This made me so insecure as a child that it used to drive me crazy. I would want all of my shirts to be so baggy on me that they would completely cover my butt and hide it. I was 10 years old wearing XXL men's t-shirts. Now I love it. It is one of my favorite physical parts of me and I work hard to maintain and keep it toned and muscular. 

It was important for me to put all of my physical issues on the surface. I listed out nearly everything I detested about my looks. I did this because in order for me to change, I first had to acknowledge and be brutally honest with myself. 

There are a lot about our looks that we cannot control. Initially to me, that was heartbreaking. When I realized that a lot of the physical traits I so desperately wanted to have were impossible attain, I knew that spending my life yearning for them was an utter waste of time and energy. 

Now I see this "revelation" of mine as humbling. It 's beautifully, humbling to me. Through this journey,  I learned to love myself despite my self proclaimed flaws. There are some physical traits that are me, and cannot be changed no matter what I do. In that case I can either spend my life hating them or change the way I view them. I chose the latter. 

As I worked on this and consistently took the time to change the way I view myself, I did not realize the freeing and positive outlook and energy it would being to my heart, soul, mind, and the way I saw other women. 

I thought accepting and being content with my looks with be the best experience, but freeing myself of jealously and comparison changed my life more than I ever thought possible. I will continue on with that later on in the week. 

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Know Your Worth

A good quality that I have is... I think. I study. I am open-minded. I am inquisitive. A bad quality I have is... I over think a lot. I believe what I over think most about is human behavior. This prompted me to major in Forensic Psychology in college because I am utterly fascinated by why people believe what they do, and why they do what they do. The media is probably what intrigues me most, namely social media. 

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, etc. enable news and opinions to reach large audiences in an expeditious amount of time. This is helpful and convenient, but it is also disheartening. Everyone voices their opinion on articles, pictures, statuses-- and anyone can say whatever they want. They can also do this anonymously or behind a fake avatar. 

The older I get, the more I pay attention to the world's [media] opinion on women. I see a plethora of comments degrading women as they grow older and/or after having children. The stigma's are endless: women are only beautiful and desirable in their youth, women are only taken seriously if they look and dress a certain way, women need to ensure they engage in this and this to please a man or else he will leave or cheat. My list could go on (to no one's surprise). Being young and blissful enabled me to never give a prolonged thought about these opinions, but now that I am getting older, I find myself disgusted at times by things I read. 

Below are just a few statements I have heard or read on media outlets, social media, and/or have been said about me personally:

I read and see things written like this everyday. The media and the world is hard on everyone: men, women, black, white, young, and old. Everyone has issues they encounter on a daily basis-- no race or gender is exempt. Comments and posts about women just hit me specifically because, well I am one. Due to today's prodigious amounts of news outlets, magazines, television and reality shows, social media platforms, and so on, it is more imperative to know your worth and define yourself and value by your own standards.

Part of the reason why I am so adamant about finding happiness within yourself and firmly believe happiness is a choice, is because of how these degrading and disheartening opinions are voiced. Maybe the world has always been this way, but due the readily accessible information and opinions about everything, it is easier to see it.

This has made me come to the realization that I need to be strong.

How profound that must sound, right?

I realize I need to be stronger than I initially thought. I truly need to realize and know my worth. This is me "practicing what I preach write". If I feel like others need to know their worth, I first have to know my own.

Here are thoughts I have on issues that I feel hit me directly: 

Men are so much sexier with age; yet women just become ugly, crazy, and undesirable. This scares me. I am 25 years old and I want to find my life partner just as much as anyone else. However, I do not know when that will happen nor do I feel as if this is something I would ever want to rush or settle for. Nor is it something I feel like my life needs to revolve around. Due to the fact that I am growing older, will that make me become less desirable? Do I need to rush out and find someone now so I do not die alone? 

I know my worth: I am more than a body. I am more than skin. Just because I have not settled down does not mean I am undesirable and/or crazy; it just means I have not found the right person yet. It means that I take relationships and marriage seriously, and I would rather be alone that settle for anything less that what feels meant for me. It shows that I can be alone and be OK until the time is right.

I hope that one day those qualities will be able to triumph the wrinkles I may have on my face.

 Because I enjoy wearing makeup, I look like a "hooker" and will never be taken seriously. Why does makeup appear to so easily define a person's morals or values? If one wears makeup they must be covering insecurities or trying to hide themselves. If one wears too much makeup, they have to be sleazy, easy, and stupid. 

Sexy is subjective; that is the best thing about it. Sexy does not have to mean nudity or sex. Sexy also means appealing and/or exciting. I find makeup sexy, and it it something I enjoy. I know I look fine without it. I look younger without it, and I do not always wear it. I consider makeup an art and my face a canvas. Makeup is how I express myself. This stigma that comes with wearing makeup, tattoos, piercings, and/or colorful hair (for example when I had red streaks) is frustrating. Just because a woman enjoys feeling sexy and/or wearing makeup does not mean she lacks morals, values, and a brain. This may sound absolutely unheard of, but it is entirely possible to have all of those qualities. 

This when I have to know my worth. I know that I am more than the makeup on my face-- and sure, I could change it... but then I would be changing something that I love to do, and express myself with, so the world will look at me differently. I refuse to do that, so I have to be strong, understand the judgement and stereotype that comes along with it, and know my worth. I can only hope that maybe by reading my words, someone out there will judge someone less critically because they have a different physical appearance. 

Cheating is the norm these days. It just happens -- we see it so often that it is not a big deal anymore. Because of social media, lines are so easily crossed with inappropriate picture comments, posted pictures, and private messages. For anyone married, in a relationship, or battling this: know you worth. If there is ever something that that can make you feel so worthless, it's being cheated on. Am I not beautiful enough? Am I not desirable? Do I not do enough? Why did I cause someone to engage in this behavior? It's not you, it's them. Men and women who are labeled as the most beautiful on earth have been cheated on. Sometimes people are selfish. Sometimes people make compulsive decisions without thinking of the consequences. That is not your problem; it's theirs. That is when you have to remember to know your worth.

To be frank, relationships in the day and age really do scare me. So often people never seemed satisfied. So often people to seem to only care about sex -- the quantity of partners seem to matter; not the quality, chemistry, and connection someone has with one person. We can easily keep in touch with ex-partners, share racy photos of ourselves to strangers, secretly text on applications that hide phone numbers... it is so easy in this world to not be in love or take relationships and vows seriously. If you put your heart and soul into someone, and it is not reciprocated, you deserve better because you obviously value the relationship your in. Value is worth, and your worth is more than that.

Those are just a few of the issues I am touching on, because the stigmas people attach to issues similar to those above are endless. This blog post could go on for days. This is just the beginning of my understanding of growing older. 

It is hard to change the way that people think. Often times voicing your opinion on matters is similar to speaking to a brick wall. Though we can not always change the way that someone thinks, acts, and/or feels about us, we can always know our own worth. That is what has helped and is still helping me overcome  unrealistic expectations, judgement, and stereotypes that I have personally encountered throughout my life.

If you are going through a hard time, if someone is making you feel less than you are, or if you read something is immensely discouraging; remember your worth. Before you consider media standard's and others opinions... know who you are, what you stand for, and what you work hard for in life - that is your worth.

PS: About 5 minutes after I published this post, I saw this headline. This is one of the things I am talking about:

... funny that we have to prove that as women get older they're not "invisible". 

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Learning to Love the Skin You're In

Hi everyone! My name is Maegen; I am a friend of Liz's, and I am guest posting for her today since she is out of town on business. 

Have you ever thought if you could go back in time, what advice would you give your younger self? It’s something I think about all the time.  I wish I could tell myself to be more self-accepting at a younger age.

Even now at the age of 26, I’m learning it’s not all a competition. Your self worth is not judged by physical beauty, even though if you would of asked me that 5 years ago I most certainly would have had a different answer.

When I was a young girl, let’s say even at the age of 12, I was already flipping through magazines comparing myself to the grown women in them. I had brown eyes and brown hair, but how I longed to be a blue eyed blonde haired beauty. Even at that young age, I remember being set on undergoing surgery if needed to get the body I wanted.

I thought if I had an enviable body, then I’d be happy. I don’t regret any of the choices I made, but it has taken some growing up for me to realize that real beauty is not on the outside- and this is something I hope to help other young girls with.

Everyday we are inundated with sexy images- women’s bodies are sexualized in the media and many young girls and women think that is how they should look like in order to be happy.

I’ve done it all- I’ve done swimsuit modeling, promotional modeling, swimsuit contests, NPC bikini competitions- things I never thought I would have been able to do. And many people thought that was glamorous.  Now I have nothing against anyone leading a healthy lifestyle and looking to be fit and healthy, I’m just saying it could be problematic if your mind is not in the right place to begin with.

Throughout my “modeling” career, I judged my self-worth based on how I looked. If I was in a swimsuit competition and didn’t place, I would wonder what they other girls had that I didn’t. Was it because they were skinner? Was it because she was prettier? What was I even doing here?

Those thoughts are never good and do more damage than anything. As I have gotten older, I saw what this type of behavior was doing to me. By leaving it all behind, I have been able to learn who I really am and what I really want to be known for.

No matter what I did that I thought would make me feel better, such as lose weight, fix my hear, buy the best make up, even some plastic surgery- It was only temporary. There was always something else I wanted to fix..until I finally tried to let it go.

Am I completely over this way of thinking? Of course not, but I’m getting better.  Instead of focusing on competitions involving looks, I’ve now vowed to be run a race every month. I’m aiming towards a half marathon sometime this year.

If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I would tell her that what you see in the magazines and in on TV isn’t reality. Reality is what you can do for yourself and how you gain happiness in other ways- even if it’s just the small things. Travel as most as you can- do things you never thought you would- set goals- be happy.

For more information and post on topics impacting young girls and women today, follow my blog at www.creatingconfidencetoday.com.

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I love myself. I am proud of myself. What about you?

I am too fat. I hate my hair. I hate my eyes. I hate my clothes. I hate my makeup. I hate the way I laugh. I am not smart enough. I am not sexy enough. I am not smart. I do not make enough money. I do not clean enough. I do not cook enough. I need better style. 

My question: when does this end? 

When do we as women stop hating ourselves, comparing ourselves to celebrities, and beating ourselves up? I know that I can honestly say I am so guilty of that. I used to measure me as a person, by my looks. I was only happy with myself when I looked good. I was only worthy of attention or praise, when I looked good. That is probably one of the most unhealthiest ways to view yourself in life. I should love every part of me, not just my looks.

I think the second phase of my weight loss journey has taught me a lot more than when I initially lost weight when I was 19. I am now almost 25 years old; I am more aware, I have been through more than I thought I could possibly go through, and I have just simply grown up.

Losing weight takes a lot of inner strength. When a person's loses weight, you commend them on their body. "Wow your body looks so good", "Wow you look incredible" - it is all about the looks. In actuality there is a lot more to that. Losing weight takes determination and motivation. It takes scarifies and a lot of times choosing the road less traveled. It takes a lot of self discipline to change your entire way of eating and daily routines. 

For the first time... I think ever, I love myself. I am confident, even though I am not perfect. And I am proud of myself. I have spent my entire life beating myself up and telling myself why I am not good enough and why I hate myself today. I have one body, one mind, and one soul. I not only want to take care of them, I want to love them.

I love myself and I am proud of myself because:

-I openly share my weaknesses with the entire world and I can take the criticism or negativity that comes with it. If I help just one person or prevent one person from making the same mistakes I have, it's worth it.

-I have been consistently hiking and I feel myself getting stronger by the day. It was initially so hard for me to do this, but now I am climbing mountains without stopping and even with speed walking.

-People have made fun of my eccentric hair and makeup choices, and yet I never change. 

-I am fitting into clothes that I have not been able to wear in over a year.

-I am able to lift heavier weights and go longer and much harder on cardio because I am stronger.

-I have been able to get over heartbreak that had the potential to kill me and I have gotten over it alone.

-I have been facing new challenges at work and taking on more responsibilities. 

-I have come to accept the gap in my teeth and think of it as a trademark. It's actually kind of grown on me.

-I am able to control portions when I eat and I have not touched fast food in over 6 months.

-I am friendly, outgoing person. I look for the good in everyone.

-I always try to give people compliments. Words are powerful. If you like or admire something about someone, say it.

-I have taught myself to always think positively and that my life is in my control. Thus, I live a full, rich life with a constant smile on my face and love in my heart.

-I have grown to appreciate my natural big legs and butt. As a child I loathed it. I had a big butt and legs even when I just a child. My mom has freakishly muscular legs, even though she has MS and hasn't exercised in 15 years. My dad has a huge butt for a male. Truly, it is genetics that has a part. Now, I love it and do not care that I will never be "skinny".

If you want to leave a comment about what I have written, that is great. But I challenge you, leave a comment and tell me things you love and admire about yourself. I want to know. Or you can write a blog entry like I have and maybe we can have a day where everyone links up. Let's get some self love and positivity in ourselves... there can never be too much. 

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