The Day I Stopped Being Jealous of (and Started Supporting) Women

Women are inclined socially at a young age to be pinned against one another. History proves this and the future looks to be the same; especially with social media and bullying in schools. As my blog grows and as I grow as person, I feel it is my responsibility to try and make the world a better place. How philosophical of me, right? However, if there is one issue I am just as passionate about like I am with fitness, it is women empowerment. 

I decided to break this post down into two different parts. Today I want to write about jealously and learning to love our physical appearance. I am not a jealous person.  

It has not always been like though. When I was growing up, every girl was prettier than me. Every girl was cooler. Every girl was more fashionable. Every girl was funnier. Every girl was smarter. I did not have any self confidence in myself. I hid behind my abnormally large sweaters, pants, and glasses. I would get teased about my looks, especially by girls. It depleted any ounce of confidence that I was able to develop. 

When I began high school, that is when I started to experiment with makeup, styling my hair, and putting together pretty outfits. My fashion choices were not standard for my high school though. This resulted in intense bullying; not just because of my fashion choices and looks-- but my weight.

Because my childhood was plagued with so much pain from my peers and a family member, I developed a sense of compassion and empathy for others much sooner than people my age. Unfortunately, that compassion did not eliminate the jealously that was living inside of me and often dominated my emotions. 

I constantly tried to change who I was -- that happens to a lot us, especially during high school. It is undoubtedly an exhausting growing period for us all. I was no exception, and going through this took its toll on me. Because I did not like what I looked like... it made me hate who I was as a person. Consequently I would take my anger out on people I secretly admired. My insecurities were taken out on women I thought were prettier and better than me. 

Whether one admits it or not, it is absolutely true that most of the time when someone is putting down another person or "hating" on them for something petty and juvenile, it is because they are  insecure and trying to feel better about themselves.

As I started to grow up, I realized that jealously was such a deeply negative, disgusting emotion that I wanted no part of. It brings out the worst in people and because so many people irrationally react to it, the world can be such a bad place.

There would be days when I would surprisingly have an ounce of self confidence, yet it could easily be shot by seeing seeing a woman who I thought was prettier than me. I constantly compared myself to other women. I would want to put them down so I could try and feel better. I would want to do whatever it took to make myself look more attractive than the woman next to me. I always tried to change my looks, even going as far as purchasing brown contacts because I thought they were prettier than my natural blue.

Then I finally thought; who the hell wants to live this way? Who wants to live their life coveting, wishing, and yearning to be someone else? 

But the question was: how do I change? 

The change for me was a process. I had to teach myself not to be jealous of other women. There was no anti-jealously pill that a doctor could prescribe, there is no amount of makeup or clothes that make the jealously and insecurities go away, and there is no man in the world who can make me love myself for who I am. I am the only person who has control. 

First, I wanted to love myself physically; which I knew was going to be a lot of work. 

I have large blue eyes and I think they are pretty. I do not have dark brown eyes like I always wanted and I never will. I need to accept that and move on.. I did. I always wanted large lips; my upper lip is not as large as I wish it was. Because I refuse to get injections, I have just found ways to accentuate them. I have a gap in between my two front teeth that three years of braces did not fix-- as it came back. It used to bother me so much that I would never smile with my teeth showing. I desperately wanted it fixed, but did not have the opportunity because of the cost. OK, fine. It's quirky, unique, and now I think it's cute. I can finally sat I am thankful that years ago I did not get it fixed because now I really enjoy having it! 

Next, I always wanted long, lean, and thin legs. However, standing in at 5'3 1/2 made that nearly impossible. Then to add in years of gymnastics, track, cheerleading, and dance, that just made my "thin legs dream" even more unattainable. Thankfully, I loved my sports more so I got over that. 

My long and lean dream continued with my arms. I wanted them rail thin when I was a teenager, but I lift weights far too much for that. If I wanted to obtain that look for my arms, I would have to give up one of my most favorite hobbies. That was in no way happening, so I moved on. 

Lastly, my butt. This made me so insecure as a child that it used to drive me crazy. I would want all of my shirts to be so baggy on me that they would completely cover my butt and hide it. I was 10 years old wearing XXL men's t-shirts. Now I love it. It is one of my favorite physical parts of me and I work hard to maintain and keep it toned and muscular. 

It was important for me to put all of my physical issues on the surface. I listed out nearly everything I detested about my looks. I did this because in order for me to change, I first had to acknowledge and be brutally honest with myself. 

There are a lot about our looks that we cannot control. Initially to me, that was heartbreaking. When I realized that a lot of the physical traits I so desperately wanted to have were impossible attain, I knew that spending my life yearning for them was an utter waste of time and energy. 

Now I see this "revelation" of mine as humbling. It 's beautifully, humbling to me. Through this journey,  I learned to love myself despite my self proclaimed flaws. There are some physical traits that are me, and cannot be changed no matter what I do. In that case I can either spend my life hating them or change the way I view them. I chose the latter. 

As I worked on this and consistently took the time to change the way I view myself, I did not realize the freeing and positive outlook and energy it would being to my heart, soul, mind, and the way I saw other women. 

I thought accepting and being content with my looks with be the best experience, but freeing myself of jealously and comparison changed my life more than I ever thought possible. I will continue on with that later on in the week. 

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Learning to Love the Skin You're In

Hi everyone! My name is Maegen; I am a friend of Liz's, and I am guest posting for her today since she is out of town on business. 

Have you ever thought if you could go back in time, what advice would you give your younger self? It’s something I think about all the time.  I wish I could tell myself to be more self-accepting at a younger age.

Even now at the age of 26, I’m learning it’s not all a competition. Your self worth is not judged by physical beauty, even though if you would of asked me that 5 years ago I most certainly would have had a different answer.

When I was a young girl, let’s say even at the age of 12, I was already flipping through magazines comparing myself to the grown women in them. I had brown eyes and brown hair, but how I longed to be a blue eyed blonde haired beauty. Even at that young age, I remember being set on undergoing surgery if needed to get the body I wanted.

I thought if I had an enviable body, then I’d be happy. I don’t regret any of the choices I made, but it has taken some growing up for me to realize that real beauty is not on the outside- and this is something I hope to help other young girls with.

Everyday we are inundated with sexy images- women’s bodies are sexualized in the media and many young girls and women think that is how they should look like in order to be happy.

I’ve done it all- I’ve done swimsuit modeling, promotional modeling, swimsuit contests, NPC bikini competitions- things I never thought I would have been able to do. And many people thought that was glamorous.  Now I have nothing against anyone leading a healthy lifestyle and looking to be fit and healthy, I’m just saying it could be problematic if your mind is not in the right place to begin with.

Throughout my “modeling” career, I judged my self-worth based on how I looked. If I was in a swimsuit competition and didn’t place, I would wonder what they other girls had that I didn’t. Was it because they were skinner? Was it because she was prettier? What was I even doing here?

Those thoughts are never good and do more damage than anything. As I have gotten older, I saw what this type of behavior was doing to me. By leaving it all behind, I have been able to learn who I really am and what I really want to be known for.

No matter what I did that I thought would make me feel better, such as lose weight, fix my hear, buy the best make up, even some plastic surgery- It was only temporary. There was always something else I wanted to fix..until I finally tried to let it go.

Am I completely over this way of thinking? Of course not, but I’m getting better.  Instead of focusing on competitions involving looks, I’ve now vowed to be run a race every month. I’m aiming towards a half marathon sometime this year.

If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I would tell her that what you see in the magazines and in on TV isn’t reality. Reality is what you can do for yourself and how you gain happiness in other ways- even if it’s just the small things. Travel as most as you can- do things you never thought you would- set goals- be happy.

For more information and post on topics impacting young girls and women today, follow my blog at www.creatingconfidencetoday.com.

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Society on Girls: I Am Woman

"We teach girls to shrink themselves to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: "You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful - but not too successful, Otherwise you will threaten the man." Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing - but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the Social, Political, and Economic equality of the sexes."

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

I was reading Faith's blog entry where she posted the above quote. It is by a brilliant author and Beyonce just so happens to have it in her new song "Flawless". I downloaded the song at the gym the other day. I was enjoying it while kicking ass on my inclined walk. Then Chimamanda's voice came on and it was like...

Wow. A wow moment. It was undoubtedly true, and beautifully said. 

I cling to every word. That is how society views women. It is what I have witnessed growing up. My mom and dad did not raise me to believe this, but a lot of other family members, friends, peers, etc. did.

First of all, we are all different. And as a woman, I would never bash another woman whose dream was to be a wife and mother. It's a beautiful thing, and if that is what a woman wants, than a woman should have it.

What I do not agree with, is how there has been so much pressure for this is how it has to be. "This is what should be expected from a woman." To get married and have children has never been the highest on my priority list and I have been made to feel like something is wrong with me. I just never could put it in words so beautiful as Chimamanda. 

Growing up, I had big dreams. I still do. Everyday the dreams change and get bigger. I wanted to be a singer, an actress, a model, a Forensic Psychologist, play the guitar, fitness compete, travel the world, skydive, write a novel, and the list could go on. But none of them were to get married and have children. Sure, I probably wanted both of them, but it just was not something I was living for.

And you know, there is nothing wrong with that. 

However, one day I feel as if I will meet my prince charming. Not like the one out of a fairytale, but the one who was made for me. I believe in that. Mainly because I am going to be willing to work my ass off for our relationship. I am going to love him more than he could have ever fathomed and right now, I have no idea who he is. I do not know when I will meet him, what will happen, and one thing I will never do is rush it. I am not going to live for that moment. I am not going to live for a man. I am going to live my life the way I want and the way I feel it should be, and if fate and God want it to happen, it will. That is the thing people sometimes forget: what is meant to be will always find a way.

We then have the society view: woman vs. woman.

That makes me madder and even sadder, then society "telling" women they are born to be wives and mothers. Why do women knock each other? This starts in grade school, and I hate it. I loathe when I hear a woman say; "I do not like girls. I perfer boys. Girls are too catty". I am all for women empowerment. The jealously really gets under my skin. I have always been the type of girl to appreciate a woman's beauty and especially when I see a woman being a CEO, political leader, or anything like that. To me, seeing that is refreshing, not something I would never try to knock down. Women need to fight through their insecurities; I think that is what a lot of cattiness stems from. We are so insecure because of society that if we feel a woman is "better than us" we have to knock her down. We can't like or appreciate her, we have to tear her apart so she is not favored more than us. 

I applaud Beyonce for her new record and especially this song. Women can be SEXY, strong, talented, and educated. If a woman has a strong sexual side, she is deemed as a "slut" or "whore". But a man? He gets kudos. By nature we are all sexual beings. Explore your sexual side; feel the freedom. Be whomever you want. I myself am a very sexual being. That does not mean I go out sleeping around with everyone. I value myself more than that. I don't need too. But it doesn't mean I do not have the strong desires nor the curiosity. And I value it.

You know... we do run the world, ladies.

I always believe in the quote "Be the change you wish to see in the world". I live by it and this change starts with me. Do not fall into the mass - create your own.

You know, I never knew how passionate I was about "Woman Empowerment" until I started writing and Blogging.

More entries:

http://fitnessblondie.blogspot.com/2013/08/women-with-friendships-and-jealousy.html

http://fitnessblondie.blogspot.com/2013/11/real-women-have-curves-no.html

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