It is hard to believe that today is January 12th -- it's nearly the middle of the month! I wish time would slow down. The days seem to be passing by so quickly. Today's blog post is a bit random and in the style of my "Let's Chat" posts.
First, I want to start with my dad. Most of my friends and nearly everyone who reads my blog knows of the cancer battle my father has been fighting. It started in 2006 in his kidney's. One of his kidney's were removed and he remained cancer free until he almost died in September of 2011. Thank God for the incredibly gifted doctor's at Duke Hospital who saved his life.
Since then, my father has been fighting terminal cancer. It's in his brain, the bones in his legs, his pelvis, and now it has started aggressively spreading through his liver. He was scheduled for surgery last Thursday on the rod that is in his right leg (the cancer has eaten away the bone). The surgery was immediately cancelled due to a CT scan that showed all of the cancer found in his liver.
I received the call on Wednesday night about all of the findings. The doctor's will not be able to operate on my father anymore. I cried myself to sleep and took the next couple of days to process the information. For years now, my family has been on the rollercoaster of great news, devastating news, great news, devastating news, and now we have received the biggest reality check of it all.
I hear of cancer killing people all of the time, but I never thought I would have to deal with it, especially right now. I feel like I was 16 yesterday. It was just yesterday that my father and I were fighting over my curfew and what I could wear. I love him so much and I just cannot believe his health has turned into this so quickly. He has told me repeatedly he does not want to die. He has fought so hard and remained so damn strong, positive, and optimistic throughout this, and to see that it is finally coming to this breaks my spirit, my heart, and my soul.
There is nothing I can do to make it better. I can remind him of how much I love him and send little gifts... but does that take away his fear? I can not imagine knowing that I am going to die soon, especially since I know my father wants so desperately to live. There is still so much we have to do... I need him to walk me down the aisle, I want him to become a grandparent. I want to share all of this with him. However, I have to come to the realization that I will not be that lucky.
The past few days of knowing this information has been hard but I have been praying constantly. I made a status on Facebook and I am asking for prayers on my blog, too. I know there is nothing that can be done to make this cancer magically disappear, but if anyone reading this can pray for my father to find peace, strength in his soul, and to feel God's warmth and protection around him, I would truly appreciate it.
A couple of months ago, I was getting ready for work in my bathroom, and I accidentally hit my phone. This resulted in my phone falling screen first on my tile floor. Because it did not have a case on it (that broke a few weeks prior), it cracked badly and since then, little pieces of the screen have been slowly chipping away. I had been using my phone cracked, all while lazily looking over my options.
On Friday morning at work, I dropped my phone again, and it finally bit the dust. I immediately freaked out because the phone had completely died and I found out I did not have insurance on my account (why? I have no idea). I broke down in my bosses office because I was still a nervous wreck over my father. Now could not be a worse time to be without a phone.
I was touched by an angel, though. I went to Verizon and they let me upgrade my phone four months early, and provided a free "Lifeproof" phone case (which is just like having insurance on your phone). I have a ton more memory on my 5S. I was most thankful because it was a heavy and completely unexpected expense.
When Johnathan and I arrived home from visiting our families for Christmas, I had my first ever experience "dumpster diving" (I guess you could say).
My neighbor had a gorgeous black table he was throwing away. It was in perfect condition besides being a little dirty. J asked him if I could have it and my neighbor was more than happy to rid of it. I cleaned and polished it, added decor, and placed it behind my love seat. I think it fits perfectly and I am so happy to have it in my apartment!
Speaking of home decor, my brother and sister-in-law gave me two new Marilyn Monroe pictures to add to my obsession-- I mean collection. I love the quote on the below picture and think it looks perfect on my mini book shelf.
New Year's Eve was low key for J and I. I worked a half day and with it being the end of the month, I was absolutely exhausted by the time I left. Accounting is no fun on the last day of the month, and because of the holidays and a surplus of absenteeism, those of us who worked were in especially stressed and rotten moods.
Thus an evening at J's mom's in the beautiful mountains of Lake Lure were exactly what we needed. We had a relaxing night with beautiful scenery and great snacks.
This past weekend was difficult. After the news of my father then my phone, I was drained on Friday night. Saturday I felt OK during the day so J and I went to our friends house to watch the Panther's game. After 45 minutes or so, I felt myself growing increasingly weak and shaky and I proceed to throw up 3 times. How wonderful, right? This was after the heel of my favorite boots fell off walking in their house. This was me completely sober too; no wine or anything. I couldn't believe.
After that we went home, and I was down all day yesterday and today I am still feeling naseous and light-headed. I hope my body is working hard at fighting off any flu that may be trying to lurk; I have never had it before and I do not want to start now.
I will leave you with a couple of weekend pictures and cute pictures of Marty (since it's been a while).I'll write more this week. What's going on with you guys?
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