MARCH 10 = Dear Mom...

Dear Mom,

  It has now been some years since you left us, and we still miss you so very much.  All of us do.  I know that I miss your sweet smile whenever you saw me, and I miss so badly how nice it felt to be with you; even towards the end when you could barely speak and we would just sit and watch "Animal Cops" together.  I know that you felt like you weren't being very good company, but I would give anything to have just one of those hours back again. Of course I can and do still watch "Animal Cops", but it isn't the same.  It was so nice to be with the one person who loved me with all of her heart no matter what... Mom there is so much that I would like to say to you. Especially now more than ever, when I frequently feel so disheartened by this miserable Parkinson's Disease.  I really do need you and your loving presence in my life now. But at this point, I think I'll just quote a letter that Dad wrote to you in March of 1945 when the war had separated him from you for a long time... it sums up how I feel very well:

"Every evening I think of a new way to meet you should I ever get home.  I wonder just how I'd act and what you'll say.  I dream of the hours that I'll spend with you and the things I'll say that I've never said before.  I think I could count on my fingers the times that I've personally told you how much I loved you.  I remember that it sounded silly and I felt awkward saying it then and now that its been so long I wonder how it will sound.  I never worry about it though, because I'm sure of the final result."

For me Mom the final result is that I carry you with me wherever I go, and I always will.  I will keep on posting this on my Blog each year on this date for as long as I am writing it.  Because it was you and Dad who instilled in me the love of learning, and encouraged me to write, both of which are the main reasons why I do this Blog. And, God willing,  I will one day see you again in heaven from whence I know that you look down at me, smiling and with love.

I love you Mom, and still miss you so very much!!

- Your loving son, Brian.

+ 40.