Are You A Skinny Wiener? Gaining Weight On A Budget.

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't lift."

Gaining Weight On A Budget:

You wanna put on size. You want to increase your strength. You want to scare people. But, you're not about to overdraft your bank account at the risk of getting fat. I gotchu. This is my specialty. Buying food needed to gain sustainable weight is actually affordable. You will have to man up and understand that you may pony up a little more money up front than you are use to, but the food will last much longer then your usual grocery run. Trust you are making a wise investment.

First, we gotta assume that you are looking to increase by at least 15 lbs. but preferably more. Otherwise, you are wasting time. I don't write blog post that consider competitors or fighters into equation. For them a five pound increase could be the difference between 1st place and 24th place. I write for the common man. The brothers who want to look strong as fuck and be strong as fuck, for the guys who have been lifting for years but don't look like the guys who got them into weightlifting, and most importantly for the skinny wiener who has no shape and wants to get big. (the skinny wiener guys really need to be all eyes on this post). If you are cherry to weight training with a shapeless body the first order of business is to eat everything all the time. You have no dietary restrictions. I'm serious. Start cramming everything, all the time. Come at this project like a professional competitive eater. You need to jump start your body. Flood the crease and get to work in the gym. Enjoy these first few months of asshole level eating while you can because it will be the last time in your weightlifting life that will be the allowed.

Second, the amount you've been eating is obviously not cutting it. You have to make a legitimate effort to increase your caloric intake. It is difficult, definitely annoying, and your stomach is gonna hate you at first. It gets better though. Once your body adjusts to the increase you'll find that nothing seems to stop your hunger. This is a great sign and means shit is working.

Low Cost and Affordable Food:

• oatmeal. Not the packaged sugar molested shit. You get plain as fuck oats. If your a pussy and you need sweetness in your oats then put your own fruit in it. My advice is just to hike up your skirt and throw some peanut butter and cinnamon in it.
• peanut butter
• raw almonds (almonds are expensive no matter where you go. So take the hit because they are a must for between meal snacking or during those marathon lift sessions. The energy they provide is real. You can nearly feel it).
• chicken breasts
• canned tuna
• pasta (100% whole wheat or veggie infused is preferred)
• white rice
• black beans, kidney beans, pinto beans
• cottage cheese
• plain greek yogurt in a large tub
• 100% whole wheat bread
• ground beef (get as lean as you can afford)
• ground turkey
• whole milk
• un-sweetend vanilla almond milk
• avocados (expensive everywhere expect ALDI. they have em for like 50 cents each).
• bananas
• spinach
• talapia fillets
• entire pizza's
• canned chili (low sodium, reduced fat or low fat)
• canned soups (again low in sodium with reduced or low fat)
• lower sugar ice cream 

Many more options available but it all depends on starting weight, goals, and ideal end weight. Until you are advanced enough to navigate your own nutritional needs don't stray from this list. Just get it home and make it fucking work. If dudes from the 1950's can get thick there is no excuse why you cant in 2016.

Remove your spit guard and start eating.

But, but,......I...uhhhhh:

• Anything that is single serving ready will be higher in price. You are paying for the convenience. Get the big tubs and separate your portions at home like an adult.
• Buy your produce fresh. Green veggies and fruit are most nutritious fresh. Frozen veggies arent too bad but not ideal.
• Get your chicken and fish frozen. 
• Get your ground turkey and ground beef fresh if you can, otherwise buy the huge refrigerated portions, freeze them, then thaw as needed
• Everything you get needs to be as low in sugar as possible. Sugar is the enemy. 

Where can I find these items the cheapest?

• Sketchy, rundown Mexican markets forever have the best prices.
• ALDI is without a doubt ground zero for deal you will never forget. Insanely cheap, excellent quality.
• Grocery stores that poor people frequent. Use your best (or worst) judgment. The rule of thumb is the farther south or west it is, the cheaper the prices.
• Costco. It takes a heavy blow to your bank account up front but when its two weeks later and you still have 100 eggs, gallons of almond milk, and endless frozen meat you'll be stoked. If you are sloth like me when it comes to protein shakes then you need Costco;s Pure Protein individual chocolate shakes in your life time now. Best fucking protein shake in the game. Left hand promise. 3g sugar, 30g protein. No after taste. No refrigeration required. The 25 case comes out to like 1.80 per shake. That price it "TOOOO SWEET"!
• Trader Joe's: If you have never been then check it out. It looks expensive but is actually cheap. Solid business plan. Go here for all your seasonings, snacks, sauces, and random protein bars. Take your significant other with you and make them feel like them fancy rich folk. Turn it into a date. Chicks love cool guy alternative health grocery stores. Also when you go to Trader Joe's it's a 93% chance you will be the biggest, buffest, and strongest man walking the aisles. Real talk.

the photograph equivalent of weightlifter shopping at Traders Joe's

I have these things but what do I do with them?

Welcome to bowl life. I'm strong proponent of all meals eaten out of bowls. Gangbang the ingredients together in a plastic bowl and shovel it into your head. Its faster, easier, and much more realistic than that high-speed culinary pornography found in recipe ideas and fitness magazines/websites.

I can't cook, things taste plain, I don't have a large frying pan, one spatula, and a cutting knife.....

You are a man, it is 2016, These are basic tools. teach yourself a skill. I cannot think of a better skill to have then the ability to feed yourself. Get it into your head right now that the gym and the kitchen are connected. Eat and cook the same way you lift. With purpose and discipline. Get your firm glutes into the kitchen and figure it out. Don't worry my brothers. Ill get you started. These are a few of my own creations.

• Poor and Hungry:1 large can of tuna, 1 cup of whole wheat pasta shells, 1 cup veggie pasta, massive handful of raw spinach that you chop up into tiny pieces. Put it together in a bowl, add some lemon juice and reduced-fat parmesan cheese for seasoning. done.

• Bachelor Stew: 2-3 whole eggs and 6 egg whites scrambled, half pound of ground turkey sauteed in a pan, 1 can of low sodium black beans. mushrooms if you want. combine in bowl, season with salt, pepper, paprika. Or us can use an all-in-one seasoning like Lowery's or Weber Grill.

• Custom Chili:get fucking liberal on this one. Nothing is off limits.1 can kidney beans, 1 can black beans, 1 can pinto beans, 2 cans of roasted tomatoes, saute some peppers or whatever gets you off and put it all together. cook it slow and throw a bunch of wild ass seasonings in it.

• Night Cap: a bunch of natural peanut butter, 1 cup plain greek yogurt, 1 cup cottage cheese, 1 scoop of whey protein, 1/2 almond milk, a lot of cinnamon, and some honey for sweetness if you desire. miss that shit and put it in the fridge. 30 mins later you are feasting hard without the guilt of a cheat meal.

• White Privilege Tuna: 1 large can of tuna, 1 whole avocado, mustard (I prefer Trader Joe's mustard seeds), 

I don't know how else to help out the plebe gainers. I've laid out everything for you to do. I'm not gonna cook it for you. So here is the hard part ....YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK. Time to get in the kitchen and crank out some meals that go the distance. All the above recipes can go the distance. lunch and dinner for one day.

get in on that new Cape Fear Program. yacht murder gains.

There is a podcast I follow called Smart Drug Smarts: Brain Optimization. Its all about the different ways to to improve cognition in the human brain. If you recall from previous posts I have stated time and time again that weightlifting is 50% mental. So to improve your mind will naturally improve your lifts. They recently released two really good episodes I recommend you check out.

The first is Episode 75 Creatine: Brains and Brawn? Here is the episode description from their website: "Creatine has long been known as a supplement-of-choice for athletes and weightlifters… but what cognitive benefits might Creatine provide"? I've always said Creatine is one of the very few must have supplements for serious lifters looking to gain weight or increase size/strength.

The second one is Episode 125 Exercise and Cognition "Brains and Brawn, long positioned as polar opposites, turn out to be anything but. In this episode, Jesse talks with fitness trainer Sal di Stefano — also the co-host and resident science geek at the MindPump podcast — about best practices to use physical exercise to enhance your cognition." This dude Sal di Stefano, who's own podcast is generally good, but the episodes are filled with entirely too much small talk that goes off  subject much too often for my patience. Sal drops some seriously awesome knowledge and calls out the entire modern fitness business model that pumps out so much garbage. Really inspiring stuff.

PREPARE TO COPY: 

Standing order is as follows......ALL TEARS WILL BE SHED AND COLLECTED AFTER DARK. If you have tears to shed save them for the night.Your pillow will listen, we will not.

Come back soon my friends. Next post is going live this week. I am in my last week of the spring semester with a 4 week break till summer classes start. Been extra motivated lately and I got a load of content to dump. 

P.S. The Black Metal Fitness merchandise store got a small update. The Sabbath-purple Deadlift shirt is up for sale. Don't spend all your money just yet though. I got a fucking gnarly tank top hitting the store next week as well as the very much sought after Ranger Panties VOL. II. The promised 15% off promo code for everyone who ordered from the first press will be sent to your email when the ranger panties and tank top go up for sale. I'm really excited for everyone to the new gear. Dominate the gym world wide in uniform. Hails!

STAY GRIM.

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DEVOTION TO SELF ABOVE ALL ELSE.

"Working out is modern couture. No outfit is going to make you look or feel as good as having a fit body. Buy less clothing and go to the gym instead." - Rick Owens

This is Rick Owens. A 50 year old luxury fashion designer who is living in his own world. The dude is on another level in all the weirdest ways possible. Considered by many to be the sitting lord of Goth, his whole existence is one giant aesthetic. He champions vanity and letting physical look speak for you like a shrine to a god from ten lifetimes ago. His interviews are filled with biblical quotes on fitness and weightlifting. Check out some of interviews and videos to really understand what I mean.

The first time I ever heard of him was in a Vice magazine in 2009. I read the entire interview and it clicked with me right away. I could feel that his responses were sincere and not to maintain some kind of fashionable aura he was expected to uphold (queer for the sake of being queer). He spoke on the merits of only wearing black, his disdain for colors, and why owns minimal clothing with no variety. He also discussed how he got in shape, what weightlifting means to him, and why transforming your body is the ultimate fashion accessory. Here is a link to the article I speak of Rick Owens VICE 2009.

here are the two highlights from the above article....

"I’m not really into clothes. I wear one outfit like a uniform, and I have for years. Black sweatpants, black baggy shorts over them, a black or white cotton t-shirt, and a black cashmere t-shirt over that. I couldn’t imagine having to change outfits every day or having to change for the gym."

This one is my all-time favorite:

"Changing your body is so much more hardcore. The extreme sensation of working out has replaced the mosh pits of my earlier years and the sex clubs for years after that. It’s a great combo of discipline, joyous release, meditation, and vanity. Music never sounded as good as it does now, pounding through those earbud headphones into the pit of my stomach as I feel my muscles swell."

His outlook on his appearance and aesthetic has resonated with me since then. After reading this article I almost immediately trashed all colored clothing in my wardrobe. Since then I have been wearing black exclusively. Rick also gave me the courage to buy and wear sweatpants. I know that sounds lame but I never thought about sweatpants as a "must own" item. I have seen the err of my ways and now trust in the power of black sweatpants.

trust in me. I will not fail you. treat yourself.

I think my respect and admiration for this dude stems from his involvement in an a industry that borderline prides itself on unhealthy looks, famished figures, excessive drug and alcohol consumption, fake behavior, and being an arrogant prick just because you sew fabric. Despite being submerged in that environment, he rejected those norms and carved his own self-fulfilling path. He sells bracelets for 300 dollars and sweaters that cost over a grand but he himself rejects the high fashion dress. Its like the ultimate middle finger. Similar to Henry Rollins, its like having a guy on the inside. He decided he wanted to get in shape and be strong and fit. He didn't care what anyone thought about it or if they approved. To me "he gets it".

IMO the greatest quote ever about weightlifting and wanting to look good came from his mouth;

 "Buy less clothing and go to the gym instead."

I will never grow long hair. It takes a certain kind of person to pull off the long hair and muscles look.

don't forget this dude is 50! ain't nobody's dad looking this healthy at that age.

FOOD

Most people I know despise cottage cheese but it is like #3 on all-time gain friendly nutrition. I always eat a cup or two before bed. If you hate cottage cheese I don't blame you. I must ask though have you ever had Breakstone cottage cheese? If you have never eaten it then I beg you to rethink your stance on CC. There is no other product on the market that comes close to the taste and texture of this brand. I refuse to eat any other kind of CC. In all my years of hunting I have found nothing comparable to this. It all tastes like shit. This is product completely unique. I highly recommend you incorporate this into your nutrition plan.

Breakstone's Cottage Cheese. nothing else matters.

Red Mill Oatmeal

 If you're gonna gain then you have to eat oatmeal. Its expected of you. Oatmeal is essential because its healthy, it fills you up, gives you sustained energy, and has all the good carbohydrates one needs to begin building muscle. I love oatmeal but I have been eating it for so long now that it often pains me to consume. I was burnt out on the oats until given the opportunity to try this particular brand of. Total game changer. The best tasting oatmeal I have ever tried. The texture and consistency is unmatched. I get excited in the AM when I get to cook this because it is really that good. It has some kind of meaningless ribbon on the package that says "#1 tasting oatmeal in the world" and I believe it. Red Mill Oatmeal comes highly recommend for everyone out there looking to upgrade their nutrition lifestyle. Its a little pricier than I like to spend ($4-ish) but for the quality of the product it is very much worth it.

Pyramid Bench Press Pyramid

despite the website's lulzy handle, I found this calculator to be extremely helpful in my quest toward bench press improvement.

Bench Press Calculator

Its a great foundation for anyone who finds themselves hitting the same numbers for same sets for too long. A good way to break up the monotony of bench press life. I don't follow this hard and fast, I use this more as a base. No matter what though, I always attempt the heaviest called for set with a spotter. Preparing for a new max attempt in the coming months. Since technique is what separates the elite lifters from the busters, becoming comfortable with heavy weight on the bar while minding form is crucial in progression. In between sets of this I usually hit incline dumbbells (weight between 55-95lbs) and some low rep, light weight (10-20lbs) cable crossovers. 

You should know my mantra at this point in the game. Being strong isn't enough. I want to BE strong and LOOK strong. I want the aesthetics and the power. That is what real strength means to me. There is nothing more exciting to me then seeing the definition between the nape of your neck and the top of your pec. A permanent pump so savage you could balance a pencil on top of your pec.

Dream physique.

MOTIVATION

I found this music video yesterday while navigating the worn hole of YouTube for music videos that feature buff dudes. Its fucking golden boys. just wait for that chorus. At first I was sensing some troll level vibes but after two minutes in a sincerely believe that this is produced non-ironically. At least that's what I want to believe. The dudes outfit throughout the video are really what took this home for me. Do-rag, cargo shorts, and CAT work boots. The mink coat of bodybuilding fitness. A nod to the lifters of yester-year when you only wore the cheapest clothes possible because all your money is spent on food, supps, and gear. Its a look that's exclusive to the bodybuilder community and always stands the test of time. Its not what you wear but how you wear it because without the physique you end up looking like a white, GED-n-goatee weed seller who smokes Newports and is really into cars but doesn't have one.

I knew this was going to be a modern classic right up front. The screen shot provided for the video left little to the imagination. A buff ass dude in a luxury pool popping champagne around a circle of babes. I couldn't click play fast enough.

RIFFAGE

Sangus from Rhode Island. https://sangus.bandcamp.com/

About two months ago I went to Reggie's to see Mgla play. Needless to say they fucking killed it. But there was a band on the tour that played before Mgla called Sangus whom I had never heard. Usually I don't give a fuck about the opening bands but I saw the singer before the show so It was my duty as a fellow Buff Guy to stick around. Not too often you see another lifter bro at a black metal show. Much to my delight they did not suck. They were brutal. 

The singer is a wolf-hybrid of Rollins Band era Henry and a disgraced outlaw UFC fighter. Halfway through the set he took his shirt off (+5 points. I see you brah.) and poured what I assume is pigs blood over his face and body. War boner achievement unlocked. Even if its only theatrics, the 1,000 yard stare and muscular frame transcended parody and became the physical visual of the bands sound. It's an interesting concept of music that many bands try to convey but few rarely succeed. I love the idea of the singer being the face of a bands music setting the mood. It was watching a man slowly transform from a timid human coiled in insecurity into a raging animal in league with the devil. Make no mistake this band is on board with the devil.

I felt compelled to share this band not so much for their sound. They are great but nothing incredibly memorable. I don't necessarily fault them for this as they are relatively new (to me) with a small catalog. I can see their next release really finding their stride and hopefully bringing them to a bigger presence in the metal scene.

Lets not fool ourselves here boys. Im sharing this band because its got a buff dude as a singer. plain and simple. Always looking out and making time for metal bands with muscle in the line-up. Something about listening to a band in the gym and knowing some or all of the dudes hit the weights the same way I am gets me extra primed. 

"Buff Dude Metal" (copyrighted) is a rare genre in a complex world of instant gratification, two year no tour bands, and physical mediocrity. Ive been waiting for out generations Danzig, I know hes out there! show yourself! Lead from the front and open the eyes of other metal dudes that getting thick. solid, and tight is the new standard. That strong is the new drunk.

dark sided basement gig. likely not as evil as the photo conveys but im picking up what their putting down.

sleeveless hoodie under battle vest. BM elitists will be upset at the progressive and fashionable nature of this outfit. This look works exclusively with Gig Life. Only works if you are in the band or touring with the band. Could possibly work doing security for the venue of a non-metal show. As much as I want to rock this look im not confident enough to sell it. My gains are terrible, soft, and weak. Im a wet noodle in my mind. the gift and the curse of weightlifting. Never satisfied. ugh.

I call this this "Gig Flex" an offshoot of my series of flexes I have named that a person can do IRL. Hes just singing his song on and holding onto his mic stand so he doesn't drop it. Not forced. Its necessary. See below for further examples.

 The Flex Series is a natural flex that highlights gains without the appearance of trying incredibly hard to prove you lift. Other examples of IRL Flexes are the Text Flex, when you pull your phone close to your stomach, point your elbows backwards, and raise up the phone to chest level. Biceps flare up and all your are doing is just texting ol girl at the bar. Optimal deployment is in a close quarters bar or store and busters are getting comfortable or close to you. Hit em wit hthe flex and let them know they better step out of the kill zone (kill zone is 2 feet from the person in all directions).

The Baby Flex. Holding your infant-toddler child at mid-chest level. You bare the weight of baby on your arm so the entire arm is activated into a temporary full flex stage. Another great IRL flex is the Grocery Flex which is carrying all your groceries in one trip from the trunk to the apartment. Shoulders back, chest out, and palms facing slightly outward in direction of travel. Optimal when you have high foot traffic in the path of the car/bus stop to front door. Neighbors are mirin' and you aren't even trying. You're just living your life doing things normal people do.

It should go without saying that all IRL flexes should be performed in a short sleeved, form fitting t-shirt, sleeveless, or tank top. There is a whole list of other IRL Flexes that I may share with you in the near future. These are closely guarded insider secrets of the Buff Dude Society that are normally never shared. I may even get called to appear before the council of Buff Elders to explain my actions here. Its a punishment I am willing to risk in order to help fellow Buff Dude prospects. You're are welcome friends. 

 WEB STORE IS OPEN. NOW TILL JAN. 13th.

www.blackmetalfitness.bigcartel.com

 

It is with great pleasure and much relief to announce the arrival and sale of the highly sought after BMF Ranger Panties (Vol. I). The silkies will be on sale from right now until 0000 January 13th. I extended the window of sale due to the holiday season. I know many have kids and girls to provide gifts for. Others are traveling out of town and out of the country. So I accommodated them appropriately. 

This is Vol. I of the BMF Ranger Panties series. Each order comes with a Prayer Card and 2 BMF stickers. Once the store closes only orders that are placed will go to print. After that I am destroying the screen. Taking a vow to the Devil of integrity and honor to never print them again. Once all orders ship I will prepare and produce Vol. II of the Ranger Panties which will feature a different custom design and come with another unique free item. 

Additionally the BMF black tank top will be available for purchase starting tonight and will close on the same day January 13th. As with the slikies, the tank tops with this design will be printed one time only. The tank tops are printed on American Apparel 50/50. This will increase the price slightly but fit properly. No one wants to wear a belly shirt in an awkward box shape with a shirt flap flag flying behind them. The price for these will be $15 dollars. This ensures that I cover costs and make only enough money to print future items. I refuse to overcharge or profit from this concept. I am selling all merch slightly above cost. My way of saying thanks for all the support I have received over the last two years.

More updates are on the way. Got a big "year in review" and a "2016 outlook" blogs already drafted. Keep coming through and soaking up all you can. spread the site, spread the knowledge to any you see fit. This is not about me this is about us. The future alpha males of our universe need guidance. Let us not fail them!

receive the light of truth. prepare for accession into the weight room.

STAY GRIM AND HIT THE GYM. 



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