ARISE MY DEMON BROTHER! ARISE FROM THE ABYSS OF SELF DOUBT!

Don't wait on the threshold
Come stay in the dark
Come forth in the hallways
And receive your mark.

As much as I try to lead by example and set the bar for strength/life gains I too am a lowly mortal. I  can easily fall victim to many of the very traps and obstacles of life that I preach against. I have maintained strict radio silence on the blog, emails, and all things BMF related due a battle with the most powerful muscle of every humans body..... the mind. For this I apologize but sometimes when things are shifting and the temple is crumbling its best to cover your head and weather the collapse. When the dust of the ruins have settled you can rise up, brush yourself off, get accountability of all that remains, and then begin rebuilding. Moping and cursing the destructive event will only delay the repair work needed. No Calvary will ride in and fix what is broken. It is your temple so you must begin stacking brick after brick to build an even stronger foundation.

Bare with me and lend your ear while I explain my troubles. Without getting too Dr. Phil on my legion, I have to endure many mental health issues. Some I was born with and some that were acquired from my combat experiences in Afghanistan. I am diagnosed with a manic depressive disorder named Bipolar I Disorder. I also carry a lifetime diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder that only recently have I excepted pharmaceutical treatments to maintain. On top of that I combat lingering PTSD symptoms which are for the most part controlled but from time to time still rears its ugly head in sporadic episodes. 

I am a huge vocal proponent and supporter of talking openly about mental health issues with friends and peers. Whether they inquire about mine personally or seek support for their own I'm always available and down to talk. There is no shame or stigma for those needing help or guidance in navigating the pitfalls of mental illness. Life is hard guys. I don't give a fuck what you kind of person you are or where you come from. The sheer effort it takes for survival is demanding. We all face battles its just some battles are shorter or easier for others.

So as Lil' Boosie said "Ive been goin' thru some thangz." in the last 5-6 weeks. Naturally it impacted all points of my existence. From my diet, my workouts, my gym routine, my school work, my family, and my sleep they all suffered in one way or another. I went to the Doc for a few extra appointments, got some treatment, rapped with important people, adjusted/increased my medications, and just spaced out for a bit to handle myself. I am proud to say that even though these kind of episodes are dark and difficult I eventually push through it and come out stronger than before.  I know there are many others who are not as strong as I and succumb to the abyss of mental illness. So I do it for them. I refuse to become another statistic! I want to be the exception not the majority.

I personally know some of the strongest and hardest motherfuckers walking planet earth who got shit going on upstairs and keep it secret. I also know there are a few readers of this blog who have slightly defective brains. (I know this because I have received a few emails over the years asking me to write about mental issues). I want to share who I am for real. Not some internet persona that I may project on this blog or on my Instagram. My life is good but I don't have it all together. No one does. Were all damaged goods. Its a symptom of aging. I publish this in the hopes that everyone realizes were not alone. LET US SUFFER TOGETHER! Its not always a breakup, a death in the family, or the loss of a job that makes people stumble. Sometimes its just a switch that gets flipped for no apparent reason and they have to root around, find that motherfucker, and flick it back into the "on" mode.

its not always satanic riffage and barbells comrades. let us all embrace our exposed feels. #feelguyGangBang

Alright, so with that cathartic admission into the forum of Alpha lets us be reminded that we will never be "there". We will never be satisfied. We will never stop learning, growing, changing etc... I always harp on the merits of weight lifting bleeding into all crevasses of our life. When one link suffers the whole chain is weakened. In the same way you train your bench press for that new max, we train our minds to become stronger and better sync with our limbs.

The trend throughout this blog is self reliance and conquering mental barriers. Those are the two biggest factors of living strong. When one unlocks an achievement the entire shell levels up! A strong body with a weak mind will surely fail against a strong mind and a weak body. That is the #1 principle of the Infantry. That is what the US military instilled in me and in every elite soldier from Day One. Its learning how to push forward until you can no longer move.... and then pushing farther. If your mind is weak when your body is weak you will be killed. you were dead before you even died. Don't let this happen to you men! You dictate your death and your survival. It is your obligation as a stone cold, weightlifting, alpha, killer to have a mind that's even stronger than your body.

 REMEMBER: 

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MUSCLE FAILURE. THERE IS ONLY YOU FAILING YOUR MUSCLES.

naw dude, I'm good. Lemme get another set before we throw on those 25's on.

So after my "talk to Jesus" moment I came back haunted. I walked into the Iron Sanctuary with a fortified mental outlook. Fuck it felt good. It was like loosing my virginity all over again (except this time the girl was a certified BABE instead of a 6'0 oddly shaped "punk girl" that was used to get it over with). I buried my troubles in a shallow, unmarked grave, I spit on it, pissed on it, then proceeded to annihilate the weights with a new venom.

In the triumph of death comes new life.

Part 1 of recovery phase:

Was built on gaining back the weight I lost. today I completed a two week eat anything and everything (within reason) bender. I went on a warpath of consumption brothers. large meals, snacks, small meals, shakes, weight gainers. whatever. I was housing it all and hating myself the whole time. felt great.  I shot up from 204-213 JUST LIKE THAT. The scale was telling me everything I wanted to hear. I'm sitting at 215 now and have dialed back my intake to reasonable (i.e sane) levels. Time to carve out the giant.

Part 2 of the recovery phase:

Leave the big numbers on the board. I'm taking a sabbatical from maxes for the foreseeable future. I know how strong I am. I know what I am capable of moving. I am now concerned with lifting moderately heavy while pushing myself hard. Simply enduring the burn. I don't need to keep swinging my dick around to all my gym brothers who have seen me move mountains. They know the size of my dick! Honestly almost all of them have seen me naked anyway. 

Really just an old school approach. Walk in with rough draft and just getting lost in the mix by destroying my body parts in the name of satanic gains. 

Part 3 of recovery phase:

Technique. Specifically my bench press. Just bare bones weight and working on all positions and muscles to compete the lift the proper way, the better way, and the strongest way. Foot placement, quad activation, arch in back, slow movements, pauses, hitting the diaphragm with the bar and controlling it the entire way up. So far its fucking awesome. No shit I am watching my chest shape explode. My pecs are becoming fuller and thicker strictly by tweaking my form. Which in turn breeds motivation to keep doing it because its working! I recommend once a year a die hard lifter should re-evaluate how they are lifting and see if there is something they may be missing or not properly executing. Think of it as a muscle audit. That time of year everybody hates when the higher ups come in a look at the stats and focus on loss prevention. That is what were doing here. How can we increase our profits without sacrificing service?

Custom made lifting belts by prisoners behind bars. I think I have found my winter project.

Gym Track of the week:

I off to Milwaukee tonight to see Danzig and Superjoint Ritual. In honor of tonight's gain friendly performance I am reaching into your high school beta 1.0 years for this  punishing deep cut from the angriest band in America.....Superjoint. Activate your dead lift reserves boys because this track will temporarily enhance all lifts for 120 seconds. "1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4!"

STAY GRIM. HIT THE GYM. 

No squad goals only quad goals.

In closing, no matter what trials you may face in your life, be they mental or physical, do not loose site of the path. Even when you stray so far you feel like you may be lost buckle down and grind it out. Don't just lay down and die cold and alone like a scared dog. Raise your hanging head, remind yourself why you started this journey, and talk with yourself in the mirror as to why you are so far off your path. Trust in your strength, believe in no false prophets praising you with empty excuses of understanding, and drive the fuck on. Create your own ending.

P.S. due to my early 30's midlife breakdown funk or whatever the hell it was I foolishly did not finish the Black Metal Fitness ranger panties orders. I apologize for people expecting them to be on sale on the date I said on Instagram. Fear not, if you want a pair I promise I will print enough for all my regular readers and lifter internet pals to get one if they so desire. I didn't wanna rip anyone off and take orders for them when I didn't even have the final product in hand. Expect them to be up for sale in November along with an original BMF tank top (black of course) with custom artwork provided by Hell Is Real. I will do my best to blast out the sale date.  The tank top design can be seen below. HAILS!

Black Metal Fitness X Hell Is Real collaboration.