#9 of 09: Thoughts on Pastors Making it to the End

This summer, Katie and I were sitting on the couch, drinking coffee, reading through my twitter feed when we came across this post by Gary Lamb. By now, much has been written on blogs about Gary (most of it is not helpful for anyone).

I have never met Gary. I only know him from his blog, twitter and occassionally listening to his sermons. Seemed like a guy who was making strides for the kingdom of God, definitely slamming the devil and leading people to Jesus (which I’m a huge fan of).

Immediately as we read through it, we were saddened by the news. It definitely hits close to home being a pastor. It is a reminder that no one is immune. Katie and I started talking through the question, “How do we make it to the end? How do we make it not only in our marriage to ‘death do us part’ but also to the finish line of ministry? Are there things we should be doing that we aren’t doing?”

It was also timely in that on Saturday night I preached through Hebrews 12:1 – 3 on the topic of endurance. You can listen to that here.

I’ve written before about boundaries that Katie and I have in place, which, while they seem crazy to some people have done a lot to help us keep our integrity.

A few thoughts that Katie and I came up with as we talked about our marriage and finishing well that came out of the terrible news of Gary & Deanna:

1. You are not immune. None of us (even those who wrote scathing blogs about Gary are immune from sin or failing). My favorites are the ones who say he fell because he’s trying too hard to be culturally relevant. Like we’ve never had a conservative, fundamentalist pastor fall in ministry. Come on. All of us sin, all of us can fall. You must realize this, you must live like this. You must always keep your guard up. Satan is a being that has been around since the start of the world, he knows our weaknesses and will not rest. To win the war, you must knock down the leaders.


2. Have accountability. This starts with your spouse, but must go farther than that. Have filters on your internet, make sure people know your passwords, put your computer in a public spot in the house. Have people who you trust and who love you ask you the hard questions.


3. Rest. The reason most pastors fall is because they are tried and they let their guard down. Seasons of life and ministry are hard. Life gets busy and it is easy to put your marriage, your romance and sex life on the back burner. It is easy to get crispy in ministry (if you don’t know what that is, you will). Make sure you are taking your day off, getting exercise, keeping boundaries: don’t check e-mail on your day off, don’t meet with people on your day off, don’t answer the phone on your day off. My day off is Monday, if you need something, call me Tuesday.


4. Talk openly and honestly with your spouse about your season. You must be aware of the season of life you are in. Is it busy? Too busy? What do you need to do to slow down? Recently, I just took a retreat just to catch my breath, spend some extended time with God and get some sleep. Katie and I (separately) see a spiritual director, just to have someone who helps process our journeys and helps us to see what God is doing in our lives.


5. Beware of warning signs. People don’t just happen into an affair. It doesn’t just happen one day. There are warning signs. Have you disengaged from your spouse? If you are not meeting your spouse’s needs, they will look for someone else to do it (I’m not saying this is right, just reality). Are you dating your spouse?


6. Keep the right things first. One of the things Katie and I talked about as we’ve watched pastors close up and from afar fall is what the wife does. It is easy for wives to make their kids their first priority. It is easy for pastor’s wives to not be enamored with their husband, after all, they see him all the time, they’ve heard all his best stories and jokes a thousand times. People get enamored with pastors. Being on a stage seems sexy. They are often articulate, engaging, they are spiritual (which is a big plus to women, especially if her husband is not). Your first priority is your spouse, not your kids. One thing Katie does after church and into Sunday is talk about how great I did on Saturday. If I sucked, I know it, she doesn’t need to remind me. She builds me up so that if someone else gives me a compliment, while it is appreciated, it doesn’t fill my tank because she does.

As a church, you play a huge role in the health of your pastor and their family, you play a huge role in whether or not your pastor finishes well. Let them take their day off, make sure they take all of their vacation days, make sure he is dating his wife, offer to babysit their kids, pray for them. Also, care for the pastor’s wife, too many churches just try to take care of the pastor, but one of the greatest thing you can for a pastor is care for their spouse.

Right now, we need to be praying for Gary and his family, his church that needs to pull together and keep going through this. Pray that Gary and his wife work through this, stay married and get back into ministry.

I would say this to pastors and bloggers alike. As you react to this, ask yourself, “How would I want people to react to me if this happened to me?” That’s how we should react. And second, “Is there anything in my life that I need to repent of? Is there anything in my life that can lead me down this road that I need to get out of my life?”

[Via http://missionalthoughts.wordpress.com]