My First New York Times Best Selling Book!

I have always stated on my blog how I love to write. If I didn't, I probably would not have a blog. Yanno. However, my love for writing has been embedded in me since I was a child. As I was recently helping my mother move, I stumbled upon my very first masterpiece from when I was 6 years old. I am very excited to share it with you all! If you would like to purchase an autographed copy, please email me. 

... because the only thing that mattered to me were the acrobats because I was obsessed with gymnastics growing up. PS: I am the blonde. 

... Illustrating is my true gift in life.

... LOOK AT THAT LION! Also, I guess that is a carpet floating in the air. I mean I get it, that could happen.

... What? Didn't you know that acrobats sword fought... in a water?!

... The ringmaster has true style.

... I dreamt on my bed that looks like pubic hair and a slice of cheese. 

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Why my mom should not have Facebook (part 3)

Yep. She is back again.

Part 3 of why my mother should not have Facebook.

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I can't even be nice to her.

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More:

Why My Mom Should Not Have Facebook (PART 1)

Why My Mom Should Not Have Facebook (PART 2)

The Hump Day Blog Hop returns this Wednesday! Wanna be my co-host?

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Happy... WHATEVER DOESN'T OFFEND YOU!

I am the Office Manager and President's assistant.

He assigns me tasks to complete on a daily basis. Some of them are typical and administration related and some of them are "unique" and interesting. 

Last week I was told to purchase 60 "holiday" cards for our employees.

Fun, right? And easy enough I thought.

I go to WalMart (gag) because I had other supplies to get for the office and I picked up "holiday cards". They had "Christmas-y" pictures on them; you know like a Christmas tree, Santa, things like that, but nowhere on the box did it state that the inside of the card read "Merry Christmas". I thought they would be safe enough.

Nope.

Some read "Merry Christmas" and some read "Happy Holidays".

I go back to WalMart, wait in line for 46 hours to return the cards, and proceed to go find another two boxes of "holiday" cards.

One box includes 32 cards, I bought two. One box has a picture that reads "Season's Greetings" and another box reads "Happy Holidays". Great.

Nope.

I open them to begin working on them and they are assorted. Some say "Merry Christmas", so say "Happy Holidays", and some say "Season's Greetings". Unfortunately, majority of them say "Merry Christmas" so I have go return them.

For a second time.

Who would have ever thought buying freakin' "holiday" cards would be so hard!

SO then I hold the staff meeting to draw for "Secret Santa". 

We all write our name, three gift ideas, fold the paper, and put it in a bowl to be drawn.

First round, I was the last person to pick a paper and guess what?

I drew myself.

Awesome.

Everyone puts their papers back in the bowl to go again.

I picked my paper last again.

Guess what? I drew myself.

For the second time.

I can't.

Finally, the third go round, I drew someone else.

I am officially over this holiday mess.

All I can do is LOL. Story of my life, friends. You would think I am making this up, but with God as my witness, I'm not. 

PS: Join me over Kristen's blog for "Tell All Tuesday's" - a weekly link up and yours truly is the co-host this week!

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What Happened to Me When I saw Miley Twerk

Sunday. It was the VMA's. I was all like



when I saw my homegirl, Lady Gaga opening the show. She was amazing, beautiful, and weird as hell. It made me happy.

Oh and her body? WOW. Yes.

But then..

then, Miley Cyrus's performance was coming.

Initially I was like



when she first came out of freakin' teddy bears.

But then, she started to "twerk"

and I was like



and she was all sticking her tongue out



THEN she was TWERKING on ROBIN THICKE

and SINGING HIS song.



And I felt like Will Smith and his family.





So I decided I had enough.

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Why My Mom Should Not Have Facebook (part 1)

Y'all, some things should be illegal. My mother on Facebook should be one. This chick is cray cray. I didn't even realize just how crazy she is. She has been on Facebook about a month and a half and today I am sharing just a FEW of her shining moments.

Apparently, when she partied in her younger days, her bra ended up in her purse a lot. Such a class act, that one.

To be fair, my former Step-father of 14 years is a huge POS, but still. No need to blast that on the Facebook, mom. You did have my brother from him and he is on Facebook. Along with much of his family. 

Apparently, moonshine fixes everything.

No words for this one.

She is always bustin' my chops.  I posted a picture of my food prep for the week and she just had to bust me AND bring up my childhood. AND bring up her... menopause?!?!

Bustin' my chops... again.

Apparently, she thinks I show my boobies a lot.

She loves me... kind of :)

I am dubbing this entry part 1 because I am sure there are lots, lots more to come.

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Good For A Laugh

Need a good laugh? This made me laugh until I cried. Literally.

Here is a sample from DYAC. 

 We've all had issues with our phone's auto correct feature, right? Go to THIS SITE for more. Enjoy!

(sometimes Texts From Last Night has some funny ones too, but I can't guarantee it)

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Zeb Atlas singing

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Kiss that big bicep! (Video)

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Funny quotes

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"
Unknown.

"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
Albert Einstein

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Albert Einstein


"A rich man's joke is always funny."
Anonymous

"I can resist everything except temptation."
Oscar Wilde.

"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times."
Mark Twain.

"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
David Friedman.

"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
Paul Getty.

"Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation."
Henry Kissinger.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
Erica Jong.


"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber."
Benjamin Franklin.

"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
Ilie Nastase.

"Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting."
Finley Peter Dunne.


"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."
Issac Asimov.

"Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it."
Lyndon B. Johnson

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Humor: Funny PICTURES: How to handle a baby.

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