NEW MUSIC FOR THAT DARKSIDED SPECIAL SOMEONE....

The death of summer.

 

Its that time of year to refit your playlist and tune it to changing seasons. For me this was the summer of the riff. I went on a long occult riffage and atmospheric black metal  tour for awhile. Never really been a fan of those genres. Outside of The Devils Blood and Agalloch I treaded softly around that stuff, seemed too forced IMO. But it was good for me. Wiped my slate blank. It prepared me mentally and spiritually for the impending rotten grimness that awaited beyond the event horizon. As with every year,  black metal dominates my playlists from mid-October till about May. There is nothing more satisfying both visually and internally then trudging through the shit storm of snow and ice with savage black metal as the soundtrack. Chicago winters make a man. He must earn the summer by submitting to the forces of nature and enduring the cold.

So in honor of this ritualistic tradition I am taking this opportunity to submit some of my favorite discoveries I made over the last month. We can all agree there are few things more exciting than stumbling upon a bands or records that absolutely crush. A sound so good it pukes venom over your jaded soul and gives you those teenage movie theater hand job feels. The riffage and atmosphere are so grim you can literally hear it speaking to you. Without telling anyone you are secretly ashamed and slightly embarrassed you survived this long without knowing about it. 

Let us dine in hell with this seasons selections.

CREPUSCULUM (POLAND)

 

Crepusculum "Illuminatis"



no way......

...NO FUCKING WAY!

IS THIS REAL!?

THIS IS REAL!

WERE NOT WORTHY! WERE NOT WORTHY!

For the first time in Black Metal Fitness history we have a physical specimen worthy of sincere praise and adoration. In all my years of black metal, never have I seen a mortal so sinister and swollen. I was MIRIN' so hard I had to share all photos from the photo shoot. If only just to lay to rest suspicions of good lighting and "intentional flex angles". The muscle is real and its impressive. Scope that vintage bodybuilder pose in the third photo. He knows what he's doing. I see you. Hitting us with viscous Lat Spread in the night time forest. So advanced you cant even calculate it. He is

black metals bastard son of Peter Steele.  As if the look wasn't enough to sell you on how hard this band is the record is equally impressive. I heard them before I saw them. Its like Ghost, except instead of just looking cool these dudes also have a record that rules. Once my eyes laid bare upon that chiseled V-shaped torso I knew it was a sign from the iron underworld. A blog update was due.

 Punishing, satanic black metal. Its bench press approved! I fucking love Poland. Ground zero for buff, metal euros.

MGLA (POLAND)

Mgla "Exercises In Futility"

Mgla Poland

Under Craft, Mgla is my all time favorite black metal band. Their new record "Exercises In Futility" just came out. Its even better than "With Hearts Toward None" and was well worth the five year wait. Front to back its a certified unholy banger. The lyrics are sooooo good too. No a single glimmer of hope for the reader. Its dark. Its the Paradise Lost or Divine Comedy of black metal. Its poetic, its unrelenting, its my favorite record of 2015. Get into this band and especially this record. They are playing Chicago this Thursday on their first ever US tour and I am going to see them. TAKE ME TO CHURCH! v stoked.

PLAGA ( POLAND)

Plaga "Magia Gweiznej Entropii"



A midsection as tight as his faith in Satan.

Another bad ass band from Poland with a buff lead singer. GET SOME! Poland is exporting some righteous beef cakes. The recording quality for most of their catalog is pretty weak, but the songwriting and atmosphere easily make up for that. All their stuff is in Polish, I don't know what it means but I know its good.

CHALICE OF BLOOD (SWEDEN)

Chalice of Blood "Helig, Helig, Helig"

no physical aesthetics, but strong black metal aesthetics.


MEPHORASH (SWEDEN)

Mephorash "1557 - Rites Of Nullification"



Coming at you live from the Asbestos tent.

summoning the strength to abstain from putting sour cream on your double chicken burrito bowl.

They have a new record out. Its the only thing I have heard from them but I instantly fell in love with it. The singer use to be in Ofermod which is a highly underrated, incredibly satanic band I love. They were your classic 2nd wave black metal band with members in and out of prison for random acts of violence and heresy. Anyway, Their black metal is a little slowed down in the best way possible. Very primal chanting and drum banging. The last four tracks are called "Null" and its literally just 6 seconds of silence. Some kinda Davinci Code shit I guess. Like if I unlock the timed code I can find the blueprints of Stonehenge.  Supreme production value. Heavy and laden with occult shit. you love it.

LEICHENGOTT (POLAND)

leichengott



motherfuckin corpse paint and good lighting. A match forged in HELL!

Honestly material on this one is nothing memorable. They are not on Spotify, so you really gotta earn this listen by slumming it on YouTube. I shared them with you strictly for the buff singer.

HAEMOTH (FRANCE)

Haemoth "Slaying The Blind"




Your mother was a hamster and your father stank of Elderberries!


Excerpt from the bands bio. The only thing that needs to be said about this awesome record.

"HAEMOTH supports all that can contribute to the ruin of the human being - every form of vice - and doesn't give a fuck what means is used to achieve this.
All forms of depravity, destruction and hate must be preached.
HAEMOTH encourages every act, physical or spiritual, which can contribute to decline, blasphemy or pain.
To become one with Him, inner death is inevitable.The weak ones don't have their place here. May they burn in Hell ..."




Drinking the tears of my enemy.

STAY GRIM. HIT THE GYM.

 

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