It has been a while, little blog of mine.
Is anyone still here? I do not deserve for you to be; but if you are, thank you so much for stopping by and still checking in to see if I have written a new post.
To help put incorrect assumptions and rumors to rest about what is going on with me and my life, I wanted to finally share an update. This will probably be quite a long post -- most of mine usually are as I love to write, so bare with me while I spill out an abundance of words to try and articulate what has been going on in my life over the past several months.
First, a picture of the sunrise from my office this morning. It was absolutely beautiful!
I have wanted to write a post updating happenings going on in my life for a while now, but honestly, I have been exhausted. Life for me, as it usually is, has been nonstop; even more so than normal. Because of that, I kept pushing new blog posts back.
I receive comments and messages regularly from my friends and readers asking when I am going to return to blogging. Every time I received one, I felt a surge of guilt for going so long without writing not just new posts, but posts without good content. I am not deserving of people so adamantly wanting to read my thoughts, advice, and stories. I will never get used to receiving comments like that, but they are everything to me. I truly mean that.
Contrary to the above, I received several messages and comments from a few readers saying "they were giving up on me". Some would state they were disappointed I stopped writing, I seemed to have completely given up on heath and fitness, and that they could no longer follow me on social media.
I am shocked that people follow my blog that closely and would feel that type of "attachment". More so, I am honored that some people felt that way, however, hurt and embarrassment overcome that feeling because I hate to let people down, especially when it comes to my blog. Writing and blogging are my passions, thus to have people "give up on me" sucks. There is no other way to put it. If by chance, those who stated they have "given up on me" are reading this; know that I am sorry, but I am human.
Living on such a strict health and fitness plan for weight loss is very, very hard. I did it for a year and lost 70 pounds, but I went through a lot. I constantly wrote about trying to find "balance" in my life, which I really did not have. I worked about 70 hours a week (my job and blogging), trained 6 days a week for at least 90 minutes, and the other spare time was spent creating new content such as recipes or research, running errands, taking care of my home, etc. I was consumed by nonstop duties and tasks.
It was hard work and exhausting, but I will admit, it was very rewarding. Around the beginning of October, however, I was became extremely burned out with it all. I was losing my passion rapidly.
Along with my decreasing passion and burnout with all things "work" related, I started to "hurt" more. I felt something was physically wrong with me. As time went by, my symptoms grew worse and worse. I had no idea what was wrong, and apparently my doctors and specialists did not either.
Over the past 3 months, I have been to more doctor and specialists appointments than I care to share. It took many sleepless nights, horrible pain, a misdiagnosis, three unsuccessful medications, and two re-diagnosis's to finally figure out what the hell was going on. The money I have spent and will continue to spend is astounding and quite disheartening at 25 years old.
But I am finally feeling better. I am finally, finally, feeling like myself again. I am able to smile... feel simple pleasures, be motivated... dream.
For the past few months I have been void of all of that. That is how much pain I was in; both mentally and physically. I have literally been on my new medication for a little over a week, so my finally feeling like "me" again is very recent. I am not ready to share everything that went on with my health, yet. Maybe I will sometime because I am so close with my readers... well, I am positive I will once I fight through it more, but just know it has absolutely been a hard battle for me over the past few months. It affected every part of my life.
Since I started my blog, I have written a LOT about my job.
I work a lot and I love what I do. It is not my passion like writing is, but I do love my role as an Office Manager and in Human Resources. Since I started at my company, I have really tried to prove myself. I have, but it has been very tiring... I have written about that a lot as well.
It paid off, though. I received a promotion at the beginning of the year. That was fantastic, but I work a lot more. My "break time" or "down time" at work is nonexistent, and even when I get home a lot of days, I work.
Devoting that much time to my job on top of my health issues took a lot out of me. I was not very happy or optimistic... I was simply trying to get through the days. I felt like I had nothing to give anyone, which is part of the reason why I did not blog.
Thankfully now, I have established a productive routine and can handle my increased workload and stress better. I also have wonderful co-manager's who let me know how appreciated I am -- their small gestures lately have meant the world to me.
Additionally, a couple of weeks ago I created and implemented my company's first ever new employee orientation program! I completed the project alone; down to every last little detail (see the setup on bottom left corner) and that was a very proud moment for me!
Additionally, a couple of weeks ago I created and implemented my company's first ever new employee orientation program! I completed the project alone; down to every last little detail (see the setup on bottom left corner) and that was a very proud moment for me!
I have been with boyfriend Johnathan over 4 months now. It feels like a lifetime, though. We have been through so much together. He has stood beside of me through everything with my health and job. He has stayed up with me all night when I was in pain-- even though he would have to work the next day. He would take me to appointments, stay the entire time, pick up medicines... there was nothing he would not do-- and does not do for me.
He is my best friend and my love. We have so much fun together and are constantly silly and laughing. To me, that is one of the best parts of being with him. Because life is not just about me, and I actually get to share it with a partner, I am on the go more. I do not sit with my laptop every evening and write. To be frank, it felt great to not do that, too. It has given me a chance to miss writing. It has provided me new ideas and new experiences.
J and I fell hard, and we fell fast. We have had a lot of ups, downs, twists, and turns in our 4 months, but everyday gets better and is more fantastic. We have made a home together, He makes me feel adored... like a queen. I feel like the most beautiful woman who ever lived. I love the way he loves me, and I am so very excited for our future together. Like I have said before, the year of being single (which included a lot of heartache and loneliness) was completely worth it as it led me to this point in life.
Aside from my health, work, and relationship, my father's health has been steadily declining, and at a rapid pace. My friends and readers know my family has been through hell with his cancer over the past 4 years. It has been the craziest rollercoaster of good news/bad news, and now it is finally coming to an end. That has been hard to accept. My father's fear and pain have kept me up many nights. Trying to accept the fact that he will never walk me down the aisle at my wedding or hold a grandchild is harder to process than I thought it would be.
I have finally reached a place where I am more accepting of what is to come, but the pain is still there. I have kept my family at an even more top priority because of this-- especially since I live nearly 3 hours away.
From here...
Finally, for a few days now, I am becoming the woman I was before. I feel like myself again. I am back to having energy, feeling motivated, and working hard with a smile on my face. I have said before that "finding balance" is an immense struggle for me, but I am going to work on that.
Now that I am feeling that myself again and normal (I never knew how amazing just feeling "normal" could be), I am ready to get back in my routine fitness training and healthy eating. My life is very different now, so it is a brand new life for me to write about! Admittedly, I have gained about 15 pounds since October so I am back at 45 pounds to lose, but that excites me. It totally sucks when I see myself nude though, ugh. However, I welcome the challenge. I now need to make my weight loss a priority on top of a partner and demanding job. It's brand new material to write about and a new journey to take.
I plan on being back to this blog-- I am just going to ease my way into it. I hope if you are reading this, you will stay and follow along this journey with me. I always say "we are in this together" and I mean it. Your guys comments, messages, and emails truly keep me going and mean the world to me.
See you soon!
PS: I am getting highlights this weekend. (Oh yeah, Fitness Blondie is coming back -- literally! Ha!)
PPS: My two contact emails listed on my blog are down right now and have been for a while now (from what I know). Please email me at TaylorLizAnne@yahoo.com if you would like to say hello or have a question/comment.
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