50 SHADES OF ALPHA: PAST AND PRESENT

 fucking knee braces OVER his denim pants which are tucked into his white socks which are inside Catapillar boots. The outfit is so advanced that you are completely oblivious there is a fucking full kindergarten class of children on his shoulders. dude went from the iron mill to the weight room and said "rack em up RJ." no prep time. no pre-workout. no ipod. no expensive road sign yellow dri-fit x3 anti-fatigue stretch shirt. just a gnarly dude farting out reps. do I spy a gold hoop earring? you cant tame this wild man! Let it be known that if Guy (capitalized because that is probably his name) in the background was in a separate photo he would have his own caption. He is some wolf hybrid of a 12 year old fat kid, a collegiate rower, and olympic weightlifter. his submission to "kvlt" gym wear is noted and appreciated but its hard to compete with Al Borland of Home Improvement meets New Jersey union worker look.

If anything else....comfort over all else. few know the pleasure of dead lifting a horse in a velour bathrobe. the overalls are strictly for protection of the investment from rusted iron. I didn't even know bathrobes without sleeves was an option.  Obviously they have a taste for the finer things. peep that Oshkosh-B'gosh logo. I feel like someone super imposed the face of a modern day cross-fit/Tough Mudder guy onto the body of hotel room.

of all the alpha looks featured on this post this one is by far the one I want to see in 2014. He is a real life video game character. the dude is a walking Street Fighter Guile. CAPCOM no doubt pays royalties to this man. im still anticipating the bleached flat top come back.

I dont know 100% who this is but im thinking its the dude from Manowar. If ever there was one human who embraced the love of metal and iron equally it would be this man. It physically pains him that he cannot carry a sword every day. he is the next wave of thrash. watch, all these modern hardcore thrash metal bands that are really into bent mesh hats, acid washed jeans, Budweiser and battle vests will start trading that shit for weightlifting, chokers, wrist wear, tanning, and John Stamos level hair. this guy is Black Metal Fitness personified.

not sure who is gayer? the gay porn stars who just grunt fugged each other rotten 10 minutes prior to photo or us gym jock meat heads for mentally critiquing their physiques while simultaneously MIRIN' them gains.  ima let that one marinate.

while on the topic of gay men. let us have a gander at this look of muscle, mane, and mustache. It has taken the mainstream by storm. you see it in every fashion mag and on every girls Pintrest account filed under"my panties are wet. what a hunk".  here is your late pass white America/all of Europe. gays have been celebrating this look for like 30 fucking years. gay dudes are men. they like men. they want men. so in turn they know what men should look like. do you know why gay men have embraced this look? because its fucking mainly. its near perfect blend of clean, wild, hairy, and fit. now mind you is very easy to take this look from Alpha to Asshole reeeeeal fucking easy. unfortunately more often then not its done wrong. the reason this look works is because all three are in place. its a trifecta of testosterone. beard and hair with out the muscle? euro hipster douche. beard and muscle without the hair? just another balding buster with a beard. keep moving tubby there are a million more of you working cubicle customer service jobs.

even though I championed the look of the clean cut metro as being the premier alpha look, there is something to be said about the muscled long hair rocker. I know from my time before the Army when I was a long haired, weight lifting, metal head that this look will get you laid. if you hang around the dive bar, drunk every single night till 4am, "alternative" crowd you're are shoe in for strange talent. you are every suburban girls fantasy. the modern day bad boy! this look says "yeah I care...but I don't really care...whatever just count my push ups so i can win this bet". I always harp on primal and you don't get more primal than this.

well there you have it. a touch of alpha from days past and a touch of alpha from the present. you don't know where you're going if you don't know where you've been. but you dont want to be that turd who only likes "first wave" gym wear. embrace the forefathers of gym wear. pick up where they left off and carry the torch of intimidating masculine appearance so that a new generation of n00bz can bear witness. strength doesn't come from over priced bullshit "athletic apparel". it comes from eating lots of good food, lifting heavy things, and protecting what is yours.

stay grim and hit the gym.

all photos featured on this post were stolen from Tumblr without permission because those photos were stolen and used without permission.  fuck it.